What if you could have a magic phrase that will end arguments, bring about good will, and make a person listen? Mr. Dale Carnegie in his book, How To Win Friends & Influence Others, suggests such a phrase. Here it is, I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.
Think about it for a second. When you get into a discussion with someone else, you filter what is being said through your lens. You use your experiences, your beliefs, your education, your feelings and so on. This is how you interpret what is being said.
The problem is that the person whom is speaking to you doesn’t possess your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc. She has her own. And she is using that as her backdrop for telling you what she is telling you.
It’s easy to disagree with someone when what he is saying goes against what you believe to be correct. Now, I know there are some things that are absolutely true and when contradicted they are wrong. For example, 1 + 1 = 3. No matter how you debate it, this is wrong. 1 + 1 = 2.
However, when a person presents something that is contrary to what you believe, don’t just write her off. Take the time to see it through her eyes. Truth be told, if you were her, you would probably think and feel the same way.
The big key here is to be sympathetic to the other person’s thoughts and feelings. If you do that, chances are she will extend the same courtesy to you.
How have you looked at a situation through someone else’s eyes?